The Four Parenting Styles
about children' s emotions:
-The Dismissing Style
-TheEmotion Coaching Style
will help you to better understand your 14 to 36 month old child.
When it comes to dealing with the up-and-down world of emotions, your children naturally take their cues from you. That’s why it’s helpful to look at the different ways we parent. So let’s look at the different parenting styles and how they affect children
1- The Dismissing Style
You don' t need to be sad. It' s not that bad. Put a smile on your face. There is no reason to be unhappy. Just get over it!”
Child' s reactions:
A child often feels ignored and disregarded when he or she has strong feelings. She
learns to believe that emotions such as sadness or anger are bad and need to be fixed quickly. She doesn' t learn how to handle emotions, and she has trouble with her feelings when she is upset
Parents' point of view
Parents don' t think that chldren' s feelings are important. They don' t know what else to do.. They often uncomfortable if children are sad or angry. They believe negative emotions are harmful or unnecessary and should be avoided. As a result, they might ignore emotions, try to fix children' s moods or they try to distract them from their feelings
The dismissing style:
-risks to diminish or dismiss the child
-suggests that emotions aren' t to be trusted
-suggests that experiencing emotions isn' t important and should not happen
-creates a pattern of dismissing emotions that children learn and imitate
2-The Disapproving Style
stop feeling that way. “You shouldn’t feel that way!” You have no reason to be sad and nobody wants a whiner around. If you keep that up, you' ll be in trouble.
The child feels some thing is wrong with him if he or she gets upset. He is criticized or punished for showing emotions such as sadness or anger even when he does not misbehavior. His parents call these bad emotions. So he doesn' t learn how to handle his strong feelings
Parents' s point of view:
expressing emotions is a sign of weakness.
Negative emotions are a waste of time.They reveal bad character,
and a child needs to be tough to survive
Problems of the Disapproving Style:
Emotions cannot simply be switched on or off at will. Trying to make the child turn them off can be harmful. The result of research shows:
The Child has more difficulty in trusting his own judment
He grows up feeling something is wrong with him
He is more likely to suffer from lack of self-esteem
He has the trouble in regulating his emotions and in
solving his problems
3- The Laissez-Faire Style
( “let it be”)
That' s it. Just let the feeling out. “Anything goes!”
Whatever you feel like doing is okay. It doesn' t bother me
No limit is given to behaviors. The child doesn' t learn how to handle emotions in appropriate way. He lacks the ability to calm down emotions when he was upset. He finds it more difficult to concentrate to learn new skills. He doesn' t do well in school. He doesn' t pick up on social cues. He find it harder to make friends
Parents' s point of view:
They want children to know:
- expressing emotions is a positive way
- being loved by parents no matter what behavior they have
They encourage children to experience emotions
Problems of the Laissez-Faire Style:
Children need to understand emotions but Parents fail to help them understand emotions and fail to teach them how to manage emotions. Children need to have a healthy emotional development. This development involves setting limits to behaviors. Not all behaviors are acceptable,
4- Emotion Coaching
Emotion Coaching involves teaching children how emotions work, especially when emotions are the strongest. Emotion Coaching values all feelings—but not all behaviors. Becoming an Emotion Coach takes time and practice, but in the long run, research shows that it is worth it. Children who have been raised by Emotion Coaching style have some big advantages:
· They get along better with others.
· They form stronger friendships with other children.
· They are able to manage their own emotions.
· They calm themselves down more quickly when they get upset.
· They get sick less often.
Here are the five steps of Emotion Coaching: