The Four Parenting Styles    

                         about  children' s  emotions:


                                           -The Dismissing Style 

                                   -The Disapproving Style
The Laissez-Faire Style

                                   -TheEmotion Coaching Style


                  will help you to better understand  your 14 to 36 month old child.


When it comes to dealing with the up-and-down world of emotions, your children naturally take their cues from you. That’s why it’s helpful to look at the different ways we parent. So let’s look at the different parenting styles and how they affect children  


  1-   The Dismissing Style 


   Parents' motto:                       

          You don' t  need  to be  sad. It' s  not that bad.  Put  a smile on your face.  There is no reason to be unhappy. Just get over it!”


 Child' s reactions:

            A child  often feels  ignored and disregarded when  he or she has strong feelings. She

 learns  to believe that emotions such as  sadness or anger are bad and need to be fixed quickly.  She  doesn' t    learn how to handle emotions, and  she has trouble with her feelings when she is upset


Parents'    point of view

            Parents  don' t  think  that   chldren' s feelings are important.  They don' t know  what else  to do..  They  often uncomfortable  if children are sad or angry.  They believe   negative emotions are harmful or unnecessary and should  be avoided.   As  a result, they might ignore emotions, try to fix children' s moods or they try to distract  them from  their  feelings


The  dismissing  style:

              -risks to diminish or dismiss the child

              -suggests that emotions aren' t to be trusted

              -suggests that  experiencing emotions   isn' t important and should not happen

              -creates a pattern of dismissing emotions that   children learn and imitate


    2-The Disapproving Style

Parents' motto:

       stop feeling  that way.  “You shouldn’t feel that way!”  You have no reason to be sad and nobody wants  a whiner around.  If you keep that up, you' ll be in trouble.

Children's reactions:

        The child  feels some thing is wrong with him  if he or she gets upset.  He  is criticized or punished for showing emotions such as  sadness or anger even when he does not misbehavior. His parents  call   these    bad  emotions.  So he doesn' t learn how to handle his strong feelings


Parents' s point of view:

           expressing emotions is a sign of weakness.

           Negative emotions are a waste of time.They reveal bad character,

            and a child needs to be tough to survive


 Problems of  the  Disapproving Style:

          Emotions cannot simply be switched on or off at will.  Trying to make  the child turn  them off can be harmful.   The result of research shows:

         The Child has more difficulty in trusting his own judment

          He  grows up feeling   something is  wrong  with him

          He is more likely to suffer from lack of self-esteem

          He has  the trouble in  regulating his emotions and in solving his problems
He is more difficult to get along with peers than others                                                     


  3- The Laissez-Faire Style

              ( “let it be”)


Parents' motto:   

         That' s it.  Just let the feeling out.   “Anything goes!” 

        Whatever you feel like doing is okay. It doesn' t  bother me


Children's reactions:

        No limit is given to behaviors.  The child doesn' t  learn how to handle emotions in appropriate way. He lacks the ability to calm down emotions when  he was upset.  He  finds it more difficult to concentrate to learn new skills.  He doesn' t do well in school.  He doesn' t pick up on social  cues. He  find it harder  to make friends


Parents' s point of view:

         They want children to know:

                   - expressing  emotions is  a positive way

                   - being loved by parents  no matter what behavior they have

        They encourage children to experience  emotions


Problems of  the Laissez-Faire Style:

          Children need  to understand emotions but Parents fail to help them understand emotions and fail to teach them  how to manage emotions. Children need  to have  a healthy emotional development.  This development  involves setting limits  to behaviors. Not all  behaviors are acceptable,



   4-   Emotion Coaching   style
           “Empathize and guide.”


Emotion Coaching involves teaching children how emotions work, especially when emotions are the strongest. Emotion Coaching values all feelings—but not all behaviors. Becoming an Emotion Coach takes time and practice, but in the long run, research shows that it is worth it. Children who have been raised by Emotion Coaching style have some big advantages:

·                               They get along better with others.

·                               They form stronger friendships with other children.

·                               They are able to manage their own emotions.

·                               They calm themselves down more quickly when they get upset.

·                               They get sick less often.


Here are the five steps of Emotion Coaching:
Step 1 Be aware of emotions.
Step 2 Connect with your child.
Step 3 Listen to your child.
Step 4 Name emotions.
Step 5 Find good solutions.